Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
