I'm gonna have a badass scar
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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