If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
