Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
