finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
