I am spending my child support on dildos
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
