Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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