forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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