you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
