Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
