best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
