So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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