so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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