I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
