It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
