Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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