My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
