You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
