the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
