i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
