At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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