remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
