can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
