YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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