She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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