You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
