If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
