Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
