Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
