Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
