he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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