Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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