He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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