i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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