She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
