i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
