My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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