Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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