3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
