I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
