You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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