i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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