Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
