I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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