absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
