i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
