PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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