it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
