Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
