i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
