i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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