Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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