My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my shit smells like andre
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
