he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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