so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
