Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
