worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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