I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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