Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
