I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
thus making me awesome and them whores
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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