Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
its liver damage thursday
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