Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
