maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sext me about skeletons
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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