i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize