dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
