I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
