you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
